VIEW EVENT INFORMATION: Refinery29
Why It's So Easy To Get Attached Before Meeting People IRL
JUL
17
Status: Available Now!
Type: News
Date: Monday 17 July 2017, 12:00 AM
Media: Refinery29

SOURCE
About the organization Refinery29:
Type: Business
Sub-Types: Website, Magazine, Online Magazine, Media, Online News, Newspaper, Fashion, Style, Beauty
Whether you're new to online dating or a seasoned pro at swiping, chances are you've fallen into what I like to call the "haze." The haze is when you match with a person, you get to talking, and you really hit it off. After a few messages, you've already envisioned your relationship together — the weekend trips you'll take, where you'll put your jade plant in the loft apartment you'll move into together, and what you'll name the kitten you adopt — all before you've even met the person in real life. So when they don't call you for a date, or they inevitably ghost you, you're left reeling. It almost feels as if you've been dumped, and it can be devastating. Rachel Sussman, a relationship counselor and expert in NYC, says that this behavior is extremely common in people who online date. "I have many clients who tell me this same story over and over," she says. "And the thing is, they know their behavior is off. They'll say 'I know I'm being crazy, but I can't get [the person] out of my mind.'" What all of these people have in common, though, is the fact that they're on online dating apps for a reason — they really want to meet someone. Those of us who fall fast like this aren't the ones who are looking for casual sex or one-night stands. "They actually want a relationship," Sussman says. "So when they hit it off with someone, they immediately become hopeful that this person will become their partner." So hopeful, that they envision themselves in a relationship with said person, and project a whole future together, before a first date's even been planned. So when the bottom falls out, and the person on the other end of the messages ghosts, your future hypothetical relationship goes up in smoke — much in the same way it does at the end of an actual relationship. But Sussman says this bad ending has very little to do with the person you matched with. "It's letting go of the fantasy," she says. And the future-fantasizer "also lose a little hope, because they see yet another situation that didn't turn into a relationship."
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